Just in a mood to write, and I dont have any paper.

Dont know what I want to write, just to take up space I guess.

So i'm up at my dad's place, have been for a week now. Watchin' the joint while he and Noreen went on a vacation. Taking care of the mutts, too. Havn't had a whole hell of alot to do. Passing the time playing the guitar, reading (which I actually haven't done much of), and the metal station on satalitte TV. Waaay too much computer.
Ministry is the shit. But that is common knowlege...
Okay, now i've decide against this whole writing thing. Ive lost intrest. Ill try again later.

Current Location: north!
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Ministry

Slowly going insane from complete and utter bordem. Reading is all fine and dandy, as well as playing the guitar, watching T.V (sigh), writing and drawing. I do waste away on this infernal computer, but I only do that for a change of secenery... I have no games to play, and nothing on the internet is entertaining for more then 10 minutes at a time.
Problem is, those very things are litterally the ONLY sorce of entertainment Ive had in the past 3 months. I might as well be in jail, Id sure as hell be eating better if I was.
Ive been losing interest in the writing and drawing because I have nothing to spark my imagination. I dont go outside anymore, because where is there to go? Its the middle of December, so a hike in the woods is ut of the question. Its too cold. I dont deal well with the cold. Wilderness is the only thing I can get to, and even if I felt inclined to walk into town, there is only 2 restraunts, 3 gas stations, a grocery store, 2 banks, a bait shop, a fire/cop shop, and 1 traffic light. Oh yeah, and a bar, and soon to be another bar. WITH ONLY 1 POOL TABLE! Drinking is fun and all, but only at shows, and with friends, and there isnt anyone worth befriending in this town. Not anyone Ive met, anyway.
The only salvation I have is going to work only about 8-12 hours a week. The people there are cool, but they live outside of this town. I havent got to know them all that well yet, Ive only been there a few weeks, and only worked a handfull of days.
Doesnt matter. Im going to California. 17 days and counting. Not soon enough. At least there Ill be working FULL time in the day, and taking 2-3 classes a night. I hope they dont piss test, I have THC in my system that wont be out by the time I get there. If they test me, Ill be sent back to this bleak ol' state right away. Fuck... I have suck an addictive personality. I cant even quit smoking pot long enough to be able to achieve something I really want to do. I also cant quit there FUCKING CIGGARETTS!
Woe is me, eh? Woe is FUCKING me.
No one to talk to. Well, thats not entirly true. I could call people, and I do from time to time, but I despise phone conversations. I dont like talking to someone I cant see. Text is okay I guess, but over the phone, no. I can talk to my dad when he is here which is usualy just weekends. I dont like talking to my step ma too much. I just dont have much to say to her. The conversation always ends up being about drugs, or medication, or a fight she had with my dad, or her work.
The highlight of my day is when Im able to fall asleep, but I dont expend any energy, so falling asleep without pot is a task. I inevitably wake up the next morning though, and fish for reasons to get out of bed. Coffee ends up being my reason most of the time. I usually lay there in bed for an hour or two before I get up, though. Im suprised I havent developed bed soars yet.
Again, woe is me. At least a feel a little better when I type out my melodramatic misery.

FUCK.

Well, Ive done all of the venting I want to do tonight. At least I managed to kill 10 minutes or so. Maybe 15. A little bit more pointless text could not have been achieved.

G'Night.
Sleep tight.
My dreams will be demonic and unnerving like always, just like I like.
May whatever entity that is above my understanding take pity once more and see me through the fright.
If I may die, fight over my shit if you'd like.
Not much to gain, maybe clothes, comics, smokes and a knife.
I tried to keep it simple and lead a modest life.

Okay, so I lied. I created more pointless text. But It was I who created it, and that is what counts.

Current Location: same as always
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: NIN - Pretty Hate Machine album

So I though I was shit out of luck because I couldnt find a singe one of my guitar picks. Then, I reach into my watch pocket (the small pocket that is in the big pocket) and I fucking pull out 3 of them. Go figure? Who would have ever though to look in a pocket for something?

Current Location: Here and there
Current Mood: Eh...
Current Music: Overkill - Damned if you do, damned if you dont

Something is amiss today...

The cold room of the house (my room)is warm, while the rest of the house is relatively cold. Something feels errie today. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it is there never the less. It's kind of gray outside, the snow on the ground is melting fast. It went from like KNEE DEEP to almost nothing out of nowhere. And I'm listening to...umm...Japenese, I think, death metal. "Dir En Grey". They arnt bad.

This is seriously making me nuts. I dont know why, either. Something is out of place. Something is as it shouldnt be? Fuck. I hate it whwn I get like this. It happens more often then Id like to admit. I dont even know where Im going with this, and typing on the computer isnt going to solve anything. Im in a writing sort of mood.

So Im going to CA, but I still havent recived my "confirmation" letter via email or snail mail. I was suppose to recieve it in both. Im going to call about it today. And, I told myself about a week ago that I was going to quit smoking pot, so Id have a clean system in case they wanted to do a urine screen. Im still fighting with that one. Its hard when I have NOTHING TO DO WITH MY TIME! Yeah, I read, write, draw pictures, play guitar, all of those hermit activitys, but man... Ill just have to read MORE. I enjoying doing those things I listed while stoned, all except reading. That proves to be dificult. Especially when Im reading books my Heinlein. Great author, but Im not those most...preceptive...person when Im stoned, and it helps alot when you are reading to be able to understand what you are reading. I cant do that stoned. But the guitar, aw man. Thats a whole different story. Wheater it sounds good or not, I like to just rock that fucking thing as fast as I can. And, yes, it DOES sound good.

I miss going out and just haveng coffee all night talking with friends. Drinking coffee all on my lonesom just inst that same.

I had a weird dream last night, I dont remember alot of it though. What I do remember is that I was in some sort of library with some of my friends from Indiana, and a few other people I didnt reconize. I was fucking around on a computer, when a buddy of mine said they were going to the bar for a few drinks. I said Id come along, but some chick I was talking to was supose to help me with something, and I blew her off. We got out side and that same chick came out with us and started walking the other direction. She asked me If Id walk her to her house, or something to that effect, and I blew her off again to go to the bar. When I got to the bar, my buddys were already sitting at the far end, and they bartender knew me. She said something like "Hi Joe! Your only 15!" And then some drunk guy at the bar, who had two little kids with him, im talkng like 5 or 6 years old, said "Ill break the second time." something like that. Then I woke up. And this completly errie day started.

I just want to go back to sleep, but the coffee says no.

Current Location: Same as you!
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Dir En Grey

I LEAVE FOR SAN FRANSISCO ON JAN. 4TH!!!

Current Location: In my happy place
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Gwar - Fucking an animal

Karmic retrobution you say? Nay I say, nay.

So it's finally here. December 1st brings 10" of SNOW! Most of November was nice, especially the end of it. 50 degree weather and what not. Thats a thing of the past...
So No Outside Walks...That's all snow means.
Not like I would go out and walk anyway.

Three more days until I find out...hehe! Im excited and nervous all at once. Even if I AM in fact accepted, there are many other factors I would still have to work out.
1)Money; plane ticket, a little bit of cash to get me through until they start paying me. I promised myself I would quit smoking if I go. That should be fun... That is factor 2). I don't see that one going over well, though.
Now that I think about it, there really isnt too many other factors. Im just nervous as all hell. Im not sure why. Im used to all of this, "just pack up and go" sort of stuff. Ive done it enough. I should be a pro traveling bum by now. I think im nervous because I really want this. It has been awhile since Ive been engaged in something that I really want to do this bad. I hate to say it, but I think I would be seriously crushed if this doesnt work out. Hmm, that seems a bit mellow dramatic. Id be pissed, that's for sure. I dont know, I have my fingers crossed, hoping for the best, but if for some reason it doesnt work out I can just roll with the punches, so to speak.
I keep sleeping on my left side wrong or something, because I keep waking up with what feels like a pinched nerve, or so I would imagine that is what it is.
Neeeed coffee--
--I shall return..

So who the fuck puts metal on a coffee cup?? And make it unnoticeable until it is already in the microwave? I dont know who, but they should be hogtied, forced to offer up an ounce of flesh from their face, and strung up on the gallows... I shall see to it personally!

I have the feeling that I'll be shoveling the roof before the day is out.

Current Location: You have three guesses
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Black Sunshine - White Zombie

Through trial and error, I've discovered that I have a problem. It is with my left hand, which incidentally is the hand that I hold the guitar strings with. When I play, something between my fore and middle fingers swells up. BIG. I mean this shit looks like a god damn tumor! It takes about an hour or so after I stop using my hand for anything for the swelling to go back down. It causes my hand to cramp, but it doesnt seem to hurt at all.
Someone told me it may be tendinitis...

This sucks.

Im fucking 21, just turned not too long ago. Already my body is falling apart. There is a list of bullshit that ails me. Now I can add this, what ever it is, to the list.

Fucking hell...
I've already used up all of my "continues". What I need is a reset button. I just wish I knew whether or not the system would freeze up, or if it would go back to the start screen.

Long-winded games are terrible.

Current Location: In a cold, dank cell with electricity
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: Not this time.

*Insert grunting noise here*

*Random verb here*

I fixed the bloody chain saw, I did. Chip, chip, cherio.

Then I cleaned off all of the blood... Bwahahaha!

*Insert pack of smokes here* - Oh wait, here they are...

If you ever get yourself caught in a unsure situation, do as a good friend once told me I told him; "I have to quit assuming shit. It's getting me nowhere..."

When doens't 1+1=2?
Ill tell you;
When it equals disaster! Disaster is a sum greater then 2.
Let me break it down for you:
1(+)1=(2)
Said (2) < Disaster {in turn} Disaster(greater)>(lesser)2
(4)(9)(19)(1)(19)(20)(5)(18)=95
D I S A S T E R =95
-THEREFOR-
Disaster = 95
-WHERE AS-
2 only equals 2, and in some cases calls for massive amounts of penicillin if one half of the said "2" is found on a street corner.

I always knew math would pay off in the real world. When you apply this equation to real life terms, the disaster is naturally averted. See? Simple. Now this "E=Mc2" is meir conspiracy...

*COMING TOMORROW*
An Ad-lib. Why? BECAUSE! Thats why! There is an equation for that as well, but the CDC wont allow for it. Something about emissions (which they have nothing to do with as far as I'm aware) and civil liberties (also nothing to do with). I dont know. I dont ask too many questions. As you know, curiosity kills your children... I wonder if that one would fly in a domestic case?

Current Location: cannot be disclosed. Incriminating, ya know?
Current Music: Reminiscing and Sublime is in the background

I dont know why I picked today to think this out loud, but over the past few weeks I've been writing some awesomely wicked guitar rhythms. A few lead parts too. All of it came from me trying to write bass lines (which I have bass lines for all the parts I've written so far). I was smart about it this time though. I decided to write everything down so that I wouldnt forget. I have a really bad habbit of doing that, writing parts I think to be good, and then forgetting them the next day. Curse you THC!!! Or GENETICS!!! Which ever, but I cant live without either one, so Ill have to make due.
Ever seen "Sliverado"? Neither have I, but I'm watching it right now. It was made the year I was born. Should have been called "Western-World". Would have done just as well as "Water-World"...*cough-cough* I want to watch "Tombstone" now...
"Die young and leave a pretty corpse."
"The path of least resistance."
Both of those sayings/observations/statements or which ever, make me smile. I was thinking of using them in some way... The first musically, and the second, well, I dont know. It just popped in my head and I liked it. So fuckin' sue me! No, dont. Im broke, an almost too literally starving artist. Im like an alien armada without any space vixens. For all of you people that haven't been apart of an alien armada, thats a bad thing. Moral tends to get low, the fellas from the Nepulaturian star system get restless, and bar fights break out. Not good at all. "What does that have to do with anything?" you may be asking yourself. Let me answer your thought. Nothing. It has nothing to do with anything, except if you are aboard a ship with fellas from the Nepulaturian star system, then it has everything to do with anything. Does that answer your question? Good.
So speaking of me smoking my 3rd consecutive cigarett, I received a sweet new lighter with my two packs of Camel Wides yesterday, and by sweet, I mean unbelievably annoying and ridiculously complicated for a lighter. The bike chain wrapped around the lighter makes up for all of that nonsense though... Or so they say! Bwahahah! Dude, on the real though, this lighter came with an instruction manual. How fucking stupid can a person be to need a manual with a lighter? I swear the only reason I read it was to find out.... And yes, I sleep well at night.

Current Location: In a western...
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Whatever it is I'm hearing through your window...

I was out fucking with the chainsaw for about four hours today. Although the infernal machine pissed me off something fierce, I had fun. I managed to cut about 20 decient sized logs before it killed out on me. I figured I could fix it, so I haulled all of my spoils back to the smaller of the two barns and split them. My aim was a little right slanted today, but I was able to compansate. Heh, on the last log I split, I swung the axe so hard that I split the bigger log (that I cut the other day) that I was usuing as a chopping block. That made me smile.
The part that pissed me off: The maintenence of the chainsaw (DUN Dun dun...)
So I took the son of a bitch to the garage to open it up. "I need a T30 bit" I told myself. Ohh wait, my dumb ass sold my $4000 sum-odd worth of tool like 2 years ago! Man, am I genious or what? So off to my pop's tools... No T30 bit. I did, however, manage to scrounge up a T25 bit. A socket wrench you say? Pssh...who would ever need one of those? (Man do I wish I still had all of my tools...) No socket wrench to be found. After digging through the White barn (the big one) I found a socket driver. Good enough. Now I have the cover off, exposing the spark plug I was trying to get to. YAY FOR ME! NO! No celebration yet, young grass hoppa'. No I need to get the sparkplug off. Easy task, right? I though so, but yet again I was wrong. The way that shit is set up boggles my mind. Would have been NO FUCKING PROBLEM if I had a deep-well socket. Nope. It cant ever be that easy. And no wrench I could find would grab ahold due to the fucked up way this chainsaw was made. It's small ass engine sticks up over the nut-thingy of the plug... Now I smell like gasoline, which isnt all bad, hands all hacked up, which I dont mind, but for what? All of my efforts were in vein, ESPECIALLY after the fact that I realized that it is probably just the gas/oil mix anyhow. I think there is too much condensation in it (it sat around for awhile), making it sputter and stall out like that. It starts momentairly, but wont stay that way. Fucking DUH! Ill deal with it tomorrow.

Current Location: Outside of the box
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Stormtroopers Of Death - March of the SOD